The Coach: Let’s reflect, not ruminate, on 2021

As we speed towards the end of another year, I am sensing more than the usual fatigue. Everyone seems to be trying to complete their 2021 to-do list and at the same time prepare for the festive period.

Given that it has been another extraordinary 12 months, this is not altogether surprising. We have become so accustomed to living with a certain amount of uncertainty, that the need to constantly adjust to changing circumstances has become subconscious, like standing on one leg in a yogic balance. This may have left us with even less time for reflection than normal.

I often draw coaching sessions gently to a close by asking my client to spend 10 minutes reflecting on their takeaways from the session and writing them down. Then we spend a few minutes talking them through before we say our goodbyes. This seems especially important just before Christmas, when you know that lots is going to happen between now and when you see them again.

有时，这些反思可能会令人惊讶，与我认为我们已经讨论过的事情没有什么关系。我喜欢这种情况。这提醒我们，辅导是一个过程，客户的内部对话是最重要的部分。我的工作只是保持空间，倾听并提出正确的问题。希望当视频通话摄像头关闭时，我的客户在繁忙的日程中会感到稍微平静一些，也许对困扰他们的事情有一个稍微不同的视角。

Spend time thinking about things that went well during this year. Consider how you contributed, and the strengths you have developed as a result

You don’t need to be a coach, or with a coach, to develop a habit of reflection. But understanding the difference between self-reflection and rumination can help stop what should be a positive and mindful activity from becoming an unhealthy one.

我们都知道沉思陷阱。当我们的思想陷入消极想法和情绪的仓鼠轮时，甚至我们的身体会做出紧张的肩膀、浅呼吸和反胃的反应。

How do we shift out of rumination and into reflection? The first step is to be aware of what happens to your thoughts, emotions and body when you are ruminating on something. Only by recognising the signs can you begin the process of learning how to divert your mind to a more useful activity.

This means consciously practising new thoughts, of acceptance and curiosity (“It is what it is – how do I move on?”); self-compassion (“I made a mistake; everyone does that sometimes. What can I learn from it?”); and using your body to calm your mind and emotions, for example by altering your posture, deepening and slowing down the breath, and focusing on something outside yourself, such as the view from the window.

不可避免地，有些事情进展得不太顺利。你从中学到了什么?你会留下什么，又会把什么带进2022年?

Turning rumination to reflection is like moving from a closed-mind state, in which your capacity to think clearly is compromised, to an open one with space for new thoughts, ideas or inspiration to come in.

所以，当这一年接近尾声，一个应得的休息即将到来的时候，帮自己一个忙，在接下来的几周计划一些反思和放松。花点时间想想这一年里进展顺利的事情，而不是纠结于进展不太顺利的事情。考虑一下你是如何让这些事情顺利进行的，以及你从中获得的技能和优势。不可避免地，有些事情进展得不太顺利。你从中学到了什么?你会留下什么，又会把什么带进2022年?

最后，你明年的大项目是什么，你的优先级是什么?Doing some forward reflection and having a clearer idea of those plans and priorities before you get back to your desk in the new year may really impact on how you approach those critical first few weeks.